Two Days and Counting...

Although I am living in a complete state of denial, Owen's surgery is quickly approaching. I am having a hard time with this one. Owen's last surgery was when he was 2 months old. I can still remember every. single. second of walking him down to the OR, waiting the 5 hours that felt like 5 days, and then finally seeing him for the first time after surgery. It is absolutely painstaking to walk your sweet child down to an operating room and trusting a team of strangers (however very well qualified) to protect your child from harm as they operate on his tiny body. Simply put: it's gut wrenching. It rips apart my insides and my heart bleeds for my baby as I would give anything in the world to take his place.
It is during this time that I must fight hard to not let satan creep into my heart. It is so easy for me to fall into a dark sadness, one that aches for my baby and also, for a life that I had planned, but one that I know deep down wasn't meant to be. I fall into the "why my baby?" "why my family?" I can get jealous of families who's biggest worry is an ear infection while my son's life is supported by a machine, until he receives a transplant. It's easy to fall into the trap satan so cleverly plans out for me.

So, on top of the necessary prayers I beg you to pray for my son and his surgeons, I also ask for prayers for myself and Michael. Pray that our hearts will remain steadfast, chasing after the Lord and praising Him for this cross He has chosen us to bear. Pray that as we bear our cross, we will obediently honor and serve the Lord who has chosen to bless our lives with Owen. Pray that our faith will be contagious! Pray that we will resonate the Lord's love and His words will be on our lips as we spend our upcoming time in the hospital.

But of course, I plead with you to have Owen on your heart this Tuesday. His surgery is first thing Tuesday morning. If things are running on time (a rare occurrence) it should begin around 7 am (eastern time). We have been told to expect it to last around 4 hours. Pray that the Lord will guide the surgeons' hands, that our surgeons will be blessed by the Lord and will know that their patient is a precious, child of God and represents the mighty power of a Lord who continues to work miracles.

I will update the blog as much as possible, for those who do not have facebook. Please know that we covet your prayers and are so blessed by the outpouring of love we have felt for our family. This trial is far from over, and I know I'm not finished growing. The Lord has worked greatly in our lives through this and we have truly seen the 'goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!'

Our confidence remains in the Lord and our faith will not be shaken. Going through a journal I kept during my pregnancy, I found a folded up piece of computer paper. Not long after we found out about Owen's problems I began searching for miracles performed in the Bible. I began making a list and got up to about 48 miracles (a few were repeated). I can clearly remember taking this paper (along with a stack of others in which I wrote verses to use as prayers and encouragement) to every single appointment I had until Owen was born. It is highlighted, underlined, "starred" and worn out, but I love it. I remember reading these verses and miracles aloud in the waiting room before every appointment. And you know what? I wasn't scared. I had a confidence and a peace that only comes from the Lord. So, I will be taking my stack of papers with me on Tuesday. I'll be pouring over them during my four hour wait and I will be begging, pleading and crying out to the Lord for more. More love. More hope. More peace. More of Him. The Lord has shown Himself and His mighty presence in every moment of my son's life. From the moment of his birth, to the tiny moments forever embedded in my mind: first smiles, laughs, words and more. He's here. And He will meet me in that waiting room on Tuesday. And praise God that He's big enough to comfort me and guide and important surgery all at the same time. This isn't too big for Him, I just have to let go, step back and let Him work.

I'll leave you with some new, oh-so-adorable pictures of our miracle. Bring on the prayers, we're ready.



"He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted." Job 5:9

"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not grow faint." Isaiah 40:31

 "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take Great Delight in you, He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

"As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him." 2 Samuel 22:31

"For you created Owen in my inmost being: you knit Owen together in my womb. I praise you because Owen is fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Owen's frame was not hidden from You wen he was made in the secret place. When Owen was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw his unformed body. All the days ordained for him were written in your book before even one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16