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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Unanswered Prayers

J.J. Heller is one of my favorite singers. Her lyrics are raw and real and her song "Your Hands" brought me to me knees many times during my pregnancy. To know that the hands that shaped this world were not only holding me, but the precious baby growing inside me.

However, the song now resonates differently within my soul. The song starts out declaring of unanswered prayers:

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away.

I have unanswered prayers. This has been a struggle for me on and off since the birth of my son. I truly, honestly believed that Owen's kidneys would work. My time in the hospital before his birth was spent in deep, daily devotion and I have never felt the presence of the Lord so strongly than I did during this time.

His words spoke to my heart daily and gave me strength to persevere through a pregnancy that was thought by many to turn out without a thriving baby. My fears were released and I was confident that the Lord's healing hand was touching sweet Owen's broken kidneys.

But they didn't.

Owen's kidneys are still broken, they don't work and dialysis is supporting his life. Why? Why did I have such faith, such strong beliefs in a God who didn't answer?

Well, God did answer. He is here. Owen is blessed and loved by a God who adores this sweet child.

God was quiet. I have a devotional book called Streams in the Desert. It is geared toward those who are suffering and going through the valleys of life. I. Love. It. Here is an excerpt from today's reading:

God's tender heart must often ache listening to our sad, complaining cries. Our weak, impatient hearts cry out because we fail to see through our tear-blinded, shortsighted eyes that it is for our own sakes that He does not answer at all or that He answers in a way we believe is less than the best. In fact, the silences of Jesus are as eloquent as His words and may be a sign not of His disapproval but of His approval and His way or providing a deeper blessing for you.

Oh how often I cry out to God begging for answers. Why me? Why our family? Why my innocent son? It may be that God is silent. He is building me up for a life in eternity by fully and completely trusting Him. Instead why not ask why not me? Why not my family?

Go ahead God, keep blessing us. "No good thing will be held from those who walk uprightly." Psalm 84:11

It's coming. I believe it. This is a valley, but I will praise my King that I will not fear because His rod and staff will comfort me. Owen is going to be healed. Whether it be through a transplant orchestrated and guided by the hands of God. Or simply by the healing touch of His hands on Owen's kidneys.

Believe with me. Pray with me. Pray that we will continue to see the glory of God through this time. He's not gone, He didn't forget. He's building up a faith in me that can move mountains. I will not offend a Mighty God with my anxious worries. Instead, I will look at my beautiful, blessed son and thank Him for this gift and truly see the blessings in my life.


He's got the whole world in His hands,
He's got the whole world in His hands.
I fear no evil for You are with me,
Strong to deliver, Mighty to Save.
He's got the whole world in His hands.

6 comments:

  1. Jackie Yenowine EspinFebruary 9, 2011 at 11:58 AM

    beautiful beautiful!! I pray for you guys every day and am always thinking about you! You guys were given that beautiful boy because God knew you two were strong enough to keep his faith. <3

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  2. Please don't think that God isn't using you in wondrous ways through this situation! He chose you for the reason that he knew that you could be the light to the world. You are strong! Yes, we all know that Owen isn't fully healed yet, but we all KNOW that God will come through.

    This post spoke to me in a different way. In a way that I needed for my own life and I thank you for that. I'll continue to pray for you guys and Owen but I already know that God will heal!

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  3. Tyler,

    May God continue to use you in so many ways.. You are such a testimony to what Faith is all about.. I too prayed Owen's Kidneys would be healed and thought God where are you.. well I see how he has answered, it may not be what we had prayed but God is still on The Throne.. and in his time he is healing Owen.. I know it will be okay.. Aunt Katie is right in saying whatever happens it will be okay.. I have grown so much in my walk with The Lord by just being your Mom.. and I thank God every day for you and Owen...

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  4. Tyler- I felt for a year that God was ignoring me, and my prayers were going unanswered. But truly, He had already answered them! He had such a greater plan for our family and knew that we would have to go through some hard times in order to realize it. If God had answered my prayers the way I wanted Him to, we wouldn't be on this crazy adoption journey! Your family has blessed and encouraged so many people already, and I know that God has already answered your prayers for Owen!

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  5. Hi Tyler. My father-in-law stumbled upon your blog and told me about it. Thanks for sharing your stories and your struggles so candidly. It blesses me to know that God is using my song to encourage you.
    Peace!
    *jj

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  6. This is one of the best things I have read in all my life. Phares why not me created goosbumps. Wonderful way to accept the challanges in life and thank God for them

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