Unanswered Prayers

J.J. Heller is one of my favorite singers. Her lyrics are raw and real and her song "Your Hands" brought me to me knees many times during my pregnancy. To know that the hands that shaped this world were not only holding me, but the precious baby growing inside me.

However, the song now resonates differently within my soul. The song starts out declaring of unanswered prayers:

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away.

I have unanswered prayers. This has been a struggle for me on and off since the birth of my son. I truly, honestly believed that Owen's kidneys would work. My time in the hospital before his birth was spent in deep, daily devotion and I have never felt the presence of the Lord so strongly than I did during this time.

His words spoke to my heart daily and gave me strength to persevere through a pregnancy that was thought by many to turn out without a thriving baby. My fears were released and I was confident that the Lord's healing hand was touching sweet Owen's broken kidneys.

But they didn't.

Owen's kidneys are still broken, they don't work and dialysis is supporting his life. Why? Why did I have such faith, such strong beliefs in a God who didn't answer?

Well, God did answer. He is here. Owen is blessed and loved by a God who adores this sweet child.

God was quiet. I have a devotional book called Streams in the Desert. It is geared toward those who are suffering and going through the valleys of life. I. Love. It. Here is an excerpt from today's reading:

God's tender heart must often ache listening to our sad, complaining cries. Our weak, impatient hearts cry out because we fail to see through our tear-blinded, shortsighted eyes that it is for our own sakes that He does not answer at all or that He answers in a way we believe is less than the best. In fact, the silences of Jesus are as eloquent as His words and may be a sign not of His disapproval but of His approval and His way or providing a deeper blessing for you.

Oh how often I cry out to God begging for answers. Why me? Why our family? Why my innocent son? It may be that God is silent. He is building me up for a life in eternity by fully and completely trusting Him. Instead why not ask why not me? Why not my family?

Go ahead God, keep blessing us. "No good thing will be held from those who walk uprightly." Psalm 84:11

It's coming. I believe it. This is a valley, but I will praise my King that I will not fear because His rod and staff will comfort me. Owen is going to be healed. Whether it be through a transplant orchestrated and guided by the hands of God. Or simply by the healing touch of His hands on Owen's kidneys.

Believe with me. Pray with me. Pray that we will continue to see the glory of God through this time. He's not gone, He didn't forget. He's building up a faith in me that can move mountains. I will not offend a Mighty God with my anxious worries. Instead, I will look at my beautiful, blessed son and thank Him for this gift and truly see the blessings in my life.

He's got the whole world in His hands,

He's got the whole world in His hands.

I fear no evil for You are with me,

Strong to deliver, Mighty to Save.

He's got the whole world in His hands.