One Year

The feelings are still so raw, and they still cut so deep. I can remember everything about the afternoon of April 28, 2010. I remember what I was wearing, I remember leaving school early, so excited for our ultrasound. We were running very late, and it just so happened that our technician stayed a little later (which she doesn't usually do).

I remember the silence. I remember asking "What are those black dots?" And then I remember: "I'm going to go get the doctor."

My heart broke into a million pieces. Panic doesn't describe it. Devastation, fear, anxiety. I remember looking at Michael, pleading for him to tell me everything was okay.

It wasn't. Our doctor came in, and quickly shared words with our technician and was talking so fast I still didn't catch what was wrong. She then explained that Owen's left kidney and bladder seemed to be very full. (The black dots I saw.) She gave us some time alone to sit and digest, before taking us back to explain what all was happening. She sent the images to a radiologist.

I cried. Hard. For a long time. She assured me that she would refer me to the best High Risk doctor she knew and often these problems solve themselves, or there are interventions to help.
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I remember not being able to call my family. I remember the first time I talked to my Mom and not being able to control the sobs coming from my eyes. My body just shook uncontrollably.
It didn't matter. There was something wrong with my perfect, growing boy. That night every kick I felt from him brought tears of anguish, fear and worry. I loved him so much. How could this be happening? It wasn't real.

This is a picture of Owen at 17 weeks. We went to a fun "gender reveal" ultrasound, not performed in a doctors office. The lady told us it looked like he needed to empty his bladder (black circle). We thought nothing of it. Three weeks later at our doctors appointment, not only was his bladder full, but also his left kidney.

I remember hope. I remember being covered in prayers. I remember words of encouragement and prayers sent to me daily.

I remember this blessing. 
So it was a year ago. And today will be filled with such joy as I hold this little boy who has fought for his life since before he was even born.

I will praise the God who loved Owen enough to save him, and who loves me enough to bless my life with this miracle.

But, it will forever be day that brings tears. I cannot, and will not to imagine what could have happened to Owen. It is by the grace of God that he is here, sharing his story with many who love him and have yet to meet him!

He is a testament of faith, perseverance and a blessing of trials and suffering. After we found out about Owen's condition I started scouring the Bible for promises and miracles. I wrote down every verse of hope in affliction and promises of deliverance I could find. I have many journals full of verses and notes to Owen. One journal contains letters I wrote to him in the hospital, as well as on each monthly birthday. It also has some of my favorite verses that carried me (and still do) through this trial. I pray that Owen will grow up and continue to leave a legacy as he is now. I've prayed that he will grow to be a strong Man of God, who loves and fears the Lord. And that his story will continue to touch the lives of those who hear it.

I could not have made it though this year without the Word of God. Although there have been many tears, and days filled with sinful doubt and worry, my God has conquered this! HE has sustained me and has blessed me beyond anything I could ever have imagined. I have longed to be a Mommy since I was a small child. Never, did I expect that my life as a Mommy could be so blessed and filled with such joy.

Thank you for your prayers over this year. I know many of you have followed Owen's story since we found out about his condition. I pray that as you have watched Owen grow and prosper that your life has been blessed and that you, too have seen the Glory of the Lord.

What a difference a year makes....

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

Psalm 27: 13